Today I realized that I wasn't the worst person I thought I am for not having a successful relationship on my past marriage and to whoever ived hurted. I didn't mean to be hurtful. Actually its me who ends up on my knees each and every time I fail a relationship. I love sincerely why it hurts me more. I listened to Dr. Charles Stanley today the message was about "conflict" and when it arrived to how to deal with it it tells about what a good listener is.I started crying cuz i never realized I am a good listener.Its one thing that my AUNT is proud of me about "I never answer back" (facing a roaring lion I just stand still with my head down and listens..with endless tears silently weeps and never tries to explain myself) I understand she cares why she tries to make me realize the failures in my life like failing my parents highest expectations from me, finishing college before marrying. Everything comes back to me when my Aunt was saying things to me about why i have to give food to the street children to spend some of my extra money that Christmas time she was really mad that time that she almost want to throw the glass she was holding 'cuz i just nod my head and cry. She couldn't understand why 'cuz on my bad times i always run to her. She told me I should have made a party at home and invite all my relatives. While she was saying that I saw a successful woman who easily can make money i was seeing the ideal person i wanna be someday but at the same time I pity her despite of her success in life she cant understand why i want to share to the people who haven't done anything and cant do anything for me in return. Its really hard watching ur loved ones hurted and that you cant even explain to them because u rather look bad than to hurt them more by telling they are wrong.
And to one of the member here in cb who e-mailed also makes me realize that I am hard to find. And in his great age he knows what a good wife is. Someone who wants to share the simplest things in life like walking holding hands going to the beach maintaining the house clean and rubbing the back and knowing that their partner no longer have a s drive of a 20 year old man. Having 13 years of marriage life i did all i can to iron things and make things work just to give my kids a father and mother living in one roof since I came from a broken family and i grew up with my grandma. But it seems not all we planned and worked for works. And I am thankful I got a chance to read Rick Warrens "Purpose Driven Life". There's a bigger picture that awaits us in the future.
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